As the festive season approaches, so too are the get-togethers with family and friends. Whether it’s a big company year-end dinner or an intimate apartment cookout, conversations and interactions will be at the heart of this festive season as we take a break from the stresses of work and the world, to make time for reconnecting with each other.
We’ve all been there: running out of things to say and struggling to maintain interest in what the other person is saying. Here’s a few quick and easy conversational tips during this festive season that even introverts (like me) can use to enjoy the merry-making without feeling burnt out.
Conversations at a company year-end dinner
A familiar fixture on the work calendar for white-collar professionals and executives, the company year-end or Christmas dinner is probably one of those OTT events where everyone lets loose and get tipsy. Yes, that includes your boss, the colleague you find unbearable and the ultra-quiet ones who try their best to have fun.
And as with all the clichéd company parties gone wrong narratives in your favourite sitcoms, I see the D&D as an opportunity to build better rapport with colleagues and bosses. Hear me out on this one: don’t abuse your liver just because it’s a free bar.
Everyone wants to have fun, but no one wants to live through the walk of shame the following week. Get to know how your colleague’s adorable puppy is doing in training, ask about that language lesson you were recommended to, introduce new colleagues to your spotify playlist or rank the worst seasons of Game Of Thrones. Point being, we all have things in common and with active listening and attentive questions, we can connect with each other.
Conversations at a Christmas gift exchange party
Secret Santa event, Xmas exchange party, gift exchange party… whatever the label, this is a social gathering that requires tact and authenticity beyond your well-thought-out gift. The last time I was at one of these, I was nervous that I would say the wrong thing or that my facial expression would give away what I was thinking of my gift.
The scenario is similar across social groups and environments: people present gifts to each other, people unwrap the received gifts and people thank each other. As this event is specifically observing the well-intentioned sentiment of generosity, the opportunity to get to know each other on a deeper level can sometimes get overlooked by material generosity.
I propose this: instead of only keeping to polite pleasantries of thank-yous and hope-you-like-its, why not engage the gift-receiver in a topic related to the gift? Or perhaps compliment the colour selection and share how you plan to use the gift? It’s as simple as that. Of course, the skeptics and cynics will dismiss this as superficial. But the effect of engaging in appreciation and generosity makes room for forging closer bonds with friends and colleagues.
Conversations at a family dinner
With two or more generations sat at a dining table, the oft-parodied awkwardness seen on tv and in movies can make dinner table conversations sparse and a challenge. What does, however, make it easy is to use active listening with attentive questions in conversations.
Get to know how your sibling is doing at work, what challenges are they working on to overcome? Ask about that recipe from your aunt, check in with your cousin on their travel plans for next year or pitch in ideas for taking up a new hobby. Sensitivity and respect is just as important here as it is with your colleagues or best friends – no one likes being judged and no one wants to be ridiculed. It’s the festive season afterall.
Conversations at a friend’s dinner party
Now, this is surely something that everyone looks forward to: being around like-minded people you already know, have a level of rapport and connection, and are not as guarded as you are with colleagues or the extended family. Whether you are close friends with the host or a casual one, the basics still apply.
Active listening at such social and communal events allows us to get to know people on a deeper level. This is a good time to share insights and to seek feedback or suggestions. Start by asking attentive questions and responding thoughtfully. You may not be the life of the party (even if you are, you can still have some quality conversations) but you might learn something new about someone in your social circle. We’re social creatures and authentic reconnections with other people can improve your health and well-being.
That said, active listening only works if you respond instead of reacting.
Here’s the key difference: the former tends to be a more fluid exchange of thoughts and opinions while the latter tends to cause friction. Does this sound familiar in our current polarized society?
Responding to thoughts and opinions from another person is to view and consider their voice objectively. And kindly. The old adage of “we can agree to disagree” plays a very crucial reminder for us. If you’re like me and you take time to think about someone’s idea, thoughts, opinions or perspective, you’re more likely to ask attentive questions to learn more about them.
But, asking attentive questions requires practice.
This is a skill that some may say is linked to emotional intelligence or EQ. Asking attentive questions depends on timing, phrasing and tone. Sounds pretty basic but you will be surprised at how much of a difference it can make when it is asked at the right time, framed in a positive way and delivered with genuine curiosity. You’ll soon notice that people appreciate being seen, heard and respected. It’s a potent way of building trust and a profound way to be happier, healthier and calmer.
Conclusion
There is no one-size-fits-all remedy for being the most charming, likeable and charismatic person in a roomful of people. And as you feast your way during this festive season, use these easy conversational tips to reconnect with the people around you.